Monsterpocalypse Monday: Famous Kaiju Fights of Filmland 2 – He’s Okay Kids!

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Hello kaiju fans, and welcome back to Famous Kaiju Fights of Filmland!

In the last installment, we took a look at a hypothetical fight between the goofy Guilala and the goopy The Blob (you can find that article here).

This time around, I’m bringing you a scenario based on my absolute favorite thirty minutes of kaiju history, the great Ultraman episode “The Cosmic Rays of Terror” (or 恐怖の宇宙線 if you want to get fancy).

For those of you who haven’t been able (or willing) to watch this masterpiece (and you should), here’s the lowdown of what happens:

A boy draws a chalk monster at a construction site, and when cosmic rays hit the chalk drawing, it comes to life in the form of Gavadon. Gavadon (at this point) looks like a tadpole with feet. He’s smooth, white, and makes an odd squeaking roar with each step. Rather than being the city-destroying menace the Science Patrol normally deals with, Gavadon simply walks into town and falls asleep. Soon, the Science Patrol and army have him surrounded; rather than go on a rampage, however, he just continues sleeping. After some attempted kaiju bullying, Gavadon simply wanders off. While walking away, the cosmic rays mysteriously stop, and he fades away, returning to his natural 2D chalk-drawing state.

That night, the children—understandably impressed by their drawing coming to life—decide to beef up Gavadon into something “more cool.” In a scene repeated on all of our hobby tables, the kids are working on Gavadon’s drawing and telling him about how great he’s going to be, saying such spot-on lines as “Listen—you shoot rays from here. Shoot them from your eyes, all right?”

Evidently, Gavadon decides to ignore their advice. While looking more like a proper kaiju now (complete with armor-like scales, sweet diamonds in his sides, and some kind of a pig snout), Gavadon is still just snoozing. This time, he’s decided to sleep in the middle of Tokyo’s business district, distracting all of the salarymen from their jobs with his titanic snores. The cozy beast is apparently so distracting, the city is at a complete standstill. Captain Muramatsu informs the Science Patrol, “We learned that all Gavadon has to do is sleep for our country’s economy to crumble. Therefore, tomorrow, the Science Patrol will accept a certain amount of casualties and have a final showdown with Gavadon.”

That’s right—they’re willing to let folks die to stop a sleeping monster from distracting everyone!

When asked why they don’t just erase him while he’s still graffiti, one of the Science Patrol members responds, “Idiot! The Science Patrol can’t go just to clean up graffiti!”

What happens next is pure cinema magic.

The gang of kids, seeing the tanks and Science Patrol, put two and two together and rush downtown to try and put themselves in between the Science Patrol and Gavadon. Eventually, Ultraman changes to his giant self and begins to attack Gavadon. While Ultraman lands punch after punch on this drowsy monster, the camera keeps cutting back to the actually weeping children as they plead for the life of their sleepy friend.

After a minute or so of kaiju wrassling, Ultraman raises Gavadon over his head like an Olympic weightlifter and flies off into space.

That night, the children sit in the aqueduct where they last saw Gavadon, bawling their eyes out. Suddenly, the disembodied voice of what we can only assume is supposed to be Ultraman tells the children to stop crying because “every year on July 7th, during the Star Festival, I’ll let you see Gavadon in this starry sky.”

One of the children asks, “what happens if it’s cloudy” to no response except for the image of a constellation shaped like Gavadon appearing in the sky, with a single star-tear rolling down its cheek…

So, how do we take this tragedy and turn it into a fun game for the whole family? Easy—we make it a contest to see who can “throw Gavadon into space” first!

Tired of being outdone by the Science Patrol, the Army has decided to use their own Kyodai Hero to crush this sleeping menace! The rules are simple: the first one to throw Gravadon on their final health point wins the game! But you have to be careful not to crush the children who want you to stop the fight!

In order to play this scenario, you’ll need the following models:

The Science Patrol

  • Monster
    • Zor-Maxim
  • Units (8)
    • 1 x Shadow Gate
    • 2 x Interceptor
    • 2 x Shadow Rider
    • 2 x C-type Shinobi Grunts
    • 1 x C-type Shinobi Elite

The Army

  • Monster
    • Sergeant Titanica
  • Units (8)
    • 2 x Rocket Chopper Grunts
    • 2 x Strike Fighter Grunts
    • 1 x Strike Fighter Elite
    • 1 x G-Tank Grunt
    • 1 x G-Tank Elite
    • 1 x MR Tank

Gavadon & the Gang

  • Monster
    • Gorghadra Plushie or any equally cute mini you might have!
  • Units (4)
    • 4 x Exo-Armor Grunts (the children)

Buildings

  • 1 x G.U.A.R.D. Defense Base
  • 1 x Corporate Headquarters
  • 1 x Communications Array
  • 2 x Downtown Highrise
  • 6 x Apartments
  • 1 x Imperial State Building
  • 1 x Construction Site
  • 1 x Industrial Complex
  • 1 x Cathedral
  • 1 x Statue of Liberty
  • 1 x Shadowsun Industries Building

Setup

The game will be played on the Obliteration Blvd map. Using the numbering from the Smashville campaign system, place the following buildings in these spaces:

  1. G.U.A.R.D. Defense Base
  2. Corporate Headquarters
  3. Communications Array
  4. Downtown Highrise
  5. Apartment
  6. Apartment
  7. Apartment
  8. Imperial State Building
  9. Construction Site
  10. Apartment
  11. Apartment
  12. Apartment
  13. Downtown Highrise
  14. Industrial Complex
  15. Cathedral
  16. Statue of Liberty
  17. Sun Industries Building

The Army player deploys on the side with the G.U.A.R.D. Defense Base.

The Science Patrol player deploys on the side with the Sun Industries Building.

Gavadon is deployed in the middle of the board with his base covering the negative zone. The children are deployed in base-to-base contact with Gavadon.

Special Rules

  • Gavadon and the Gang
    • Gavadon and the Gang are controlled by neither player. Instead, if a model ends an advance within 3 spaces of an EXO-Armor, the EXO-Armor automatically hits that model with a blast attack (do not roll). At the end of each turn, the EXO-Armors move 5 spaces toward the closest enemy
  • Gavadon
    • Gavadon is a generic monster with no attack stats.
    • They have DEF 9 and 7 Health.
    • They have the following special rule:
      • LOOK TO THE STARS: If this model would be destroyed, it instead restores 1 point of health. Look to the Stars does not trigger from Throw power attack damage.
  • The Children
    • Add the following special rule to the EXO-Armor stat cards:
      • WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN: This model cannot be destroyed or returned to reserves. Enemy units and monsters may move through this model as long as they have enough speed left to not end their movement overlapping this model.
  • Reinforcements
    • If Sgt. Titanica or Zor-Maxim are destroyed, they are re-deployed at full health on their next monster turn in their original deployment zone.

Victory

The player to successfully kill Gavadon send Gavadon to space wins the scenario!

And there you have it, folks: another brand spanking new, totally not balanced or tourney legal scenario!

What other famous kaiju battles would you like to see re-created on the tabletop! Drop us a line and let us know!

Until next time, happy gaming!

Insider, Monsterpocalypse
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