Trick or Trick
Uber Corp’s Propaganda Machine Kicks In for Halloween
By P. F. Ellery
The Washington Pulse
Washington — A Senate committee investigating the impact and legality of corporate propaganda during the ongoing so-called “monsterpocalypse” adjourned Monday without issuing a statement, paving the way for Uber Corp International (UCI) to release their Mecha-Treat giveaways on October 31 in suburbs all across America.
This turn of events has only furthered rumors of an Uber Corp effort to brainwash or even “mind control” the children of America through their newly launched toy line.
The Mecha-Treat toys—miniature models of Uber Corp real-world creations such as Cyber Khan, Gorghadratron, and Mecha-Maxim—began to arrive in select mall locations last week with an Uber Corp digital message to encourage free distribution of the models to trick-or-treaters on Halloween.
“In the midst of this worldwide nightmare known as the monsterpocalypse,” the message states, “Uber Corp hopes to ease the fears of children and their parents with Mecha-Treats that will remind them how we are working to protect them.”
By the Senate committee’s estimation, more than three million Uber Corp Mecha-Treats have been distributed to date, with more expected now that the committee has adjourned without reaching any conclusions. A statement from Uber Corp denies any attempt to manipulate public opinion regarding the robotic weapons of war the company has introduced to the monsterpocalypse.
“We are aware of the fear many children are feeling as they hear about the battles being fought in many of our major cities,” the statement reads. “Before it reaches their suburban neighborhoods, Uber Corp International wants to reassure them as to who the good guys are.”
In after-hours trading, UCI stock rose 6.7%.
Some parent groups have suggested the Mecha-Treat distribution, which is limited to malls that host Halloween events, is actually an effort by mall associations to replace door-to-door trick-or-treating with a commercial takeover of the holiday. Others, particularly those in hard-hit areas where combat continues, have reached out to Uber Corp for the free giveaways, arguing the children in the warzones need treats the most. Demand is expected to be highest in cities where Cyber Khan, Gorghadratron, and Mecha-Maxim have actually participated in the fighting.
Online safety groups that initially launched the theory that Uber Corp International was using their toys to “control the minds and moods of America’s children” yesterday issued a joint statement that Doctor Timothy Randall has gone missing. Dr. Randall, a psychiatrist from Philadelphia, first called attention to what he described as “mysterious influences” associated with the Mecha-Treat models. His disappearance on the eve of his announcement to provide proof at a now-canceled press conference only contributes to the rumors about the nature of the Mech-Treats. Uber Corp had no public comment regarding Dr. Randall’s claim or his disappearance.
The Mecha-Treats models come unpainted and require assembly. (One parent group noted that Uber Corp “has pretty big expectations of our kids. Where are we going to get paint while Zor-Maxim is tearing our city apart?”) Models began to appear on online auction houses more than a week before Halloween.